'Why is it never the right time for my lover to finally leave his wife?'

Dear Coleen,

A few months ago, I started an affair with a man I’d had an affair with 10 years ago. Back then, I ­realised he wasn’t going to leave his wife, even though all he did was complain about her, so I decided to end it and move on.

I got married to someone else and we were happy at first, but I’ve always been in love with the man I’m having the affair with and this affected my marriage, and things went downhill. I freely admit the problems in my marriage are down to me because I always compared my husband to this other man.

However, he continually comes up with reasons for why it’s not the right time to leave his wife – ­everything from finances to her wellbeing and now the pandemic.

I do believe he loves me and wants to be with me, and I love him, but the situation is so ­frustrating. I know his wife a bit and know she can be difficult and cold, so all the things he says about her seems truthful.

I just don’t understand why he can’t make the break, so we can be happy together.

Coleen says:

If you want my honest opinion, I don’t think he’ll leave his wife. Why should he, when he has a lovely, settled life at home and he can see you on the side? I think if he were going to leave her, he would have done it by now.

You need to cut contact with this married man and focus on yourself and your marriage – what are you going to do about that? Even if the other guy wasn’t in the picture, your marriage isn’t making you happy and you need to make some ­decisions. But don’t hang in there, waiting for your lover to end his marriage – you could be waiting for ever and it’s not fair on your husband.

The truth is, you don’t know what your lover’s marriage is like or what his wife is like for that matter – he could just be telling you what you want to hear as it’s in his interest to do so. He might be perfectly happy with the current arrangement.

Take back control of your life and your future, and stop living in this state of limbo.